1-2-3, Winner!

With all of the commotion preparing for and following the arrival of this little tyke,

I completely forgot to blog about one of the most exciting things that happened to me this summer!

My mom takes every scrapbooking/card-making magazine under the sun and she is nice enough to share them with me (in reality I think I have them all over at my house so instead of borrowing it's more like stealing.) In one of her particular magazines I noticed a contest where they were asking for short essays on how scrapbooking has brought your family together. The winner would win an electronic die-cutting machine valued at over $450. I was intrigued so I decided to get on their website to see what sorts of stories had been entered.

I wasn't planning on entering but when I started reading all of these depressing sob stories I decided that it wouldn't hurt to enter something myself. So I submitted the following:

"I am possibly one of the few wives in America whose husbands help them scrapbook. I consider myself color-challenged when it comes to creating my scrapbook layouts (a huge handicap for this sort of hobby!!) so I asked my hubby once what color combination would work best for a particular page I was working on. His response surprised me! He actually seemed quite interested in what I was doing and wanted to give me genuine advice! Since then I have gone to him for aide on several projects that I have worked on. He has surprised me with most of my scrapbook work area and even some supplies. Just the other night we pulled out my scrapbook supplies and created an adorable piece of wall art for our new baby arriving later this summer. If you had ever asked me if scrapbooking would be an element of my life that would bring my husband and I closer together, I probably would have laughed! But looking back, that is exactly what has happened!"

(By the way, here's a portion of the wall art to which I was referring:)


I entered on, like, the last day they were accepting submissions. Not thinking much of it, you can imagine my surprise when I opened my email a few days later only to find that I had a message saying that I had WON!! I was at work when I read it so naturally I was all bubbly and excited. I couldn't wait to tell S! He didn't believe me at first and wondered what the catch was. A week later he was a little surprised (I think, even though I had convinced him this was legit) to see this arrive:

He read all of the instructions and loaded all of the software on the computer for me. Now, I haven't blogged about it up until now so naturally I haven't found a chance to play with it yet. As Bean's naps get longer and more predictable, though, I think I will find the time shortly. As best as I can tell it is compatible with our computer which means that I can design my own die-cuts and custom wall art (along with dozens of premade designs that came with the software) and this baby cuts it out for me. Eat your heart out Cricut!

I kept telling people that I never win anything, let alone anything this nice. Part of the contest was that the story would be published in an upcoming publication. Bonus! I had sort of made a quiet goal to get myself published in one of these magazines in the next few years. I had meant a scrapbook layout, but figured this counted too! Now for the ironic/unfortunate part. With the down economy the company had to stop publication last month. So it will not appear in any magazine. However, it is published on the website (which they are maintaining) so I figure it still sort of counts :)

Baby Language

To say that these last 3 weeks have been a challenge would be an understatement. I try to maintain a relatively upbeat attitude in these posts (face it, reading a downer post isn't exactly the funnest thing) but I am not ashamed to say that I had absolutely no idea what being a mother entailed. I've questioned at times whether or not this was the right decision and also questioned my abilities to be able to meet all of the demands of a child. I think there was sort of a honeymoon period where everything was exciting and new and when that period started to wear off, I was faced with a newborn who was, in her best effort, trying to tell me what she needed and I, in my best effort, was trying to understand (she has reflux so feeding and burping her has been a huge challenge.) I had a pretty dark day earlier this week where every instance left me frustrated and in tears the majority of the day. S had gone back to work and I felt that my life would now consist of being held in complete isolation trying to do my best to care for this new baby but feeling like I was coming up short. I finally called my mom (I felt bad doing so because they were 2 days into a vacation!) I thought later how poetic it was that here I am, almost 30 years of age and in that moment I still needed my "mommy." I wasn't sure how much I would get out of the conversation because they were in an area with poor cell phone coverage and I was barely getting two to three words out in between sobs but somehow she managed to understand what I was saying and told me that this is hard and that what I was feeling was "normal" and that things really do get better. She also gave me real world advice, like carrying Bean around in the Sleepy Wrap so that I could actually get some housework done!! The best advice she gave me, though, was just to hold Bean and rub her back and talk to her honestly. Tell her this is really hard but that I am doing my best and that I still love her soo much. I think that in doing this, I was able to connect with Bean on a level that I hadn't been able to up to that point.

So in the days following the dark day I have managed to get out of the house and build up some sort of routine, although primitive. I managed to get almost all of my laundry done (S asked why laundry was so important to me and I think I figured out that it is the feeling of control that it gives me, rather than just having clean clothes to wear.) I've hung out with my friends which is a great distraction and have made plans to keep me motivated. I'm not saying that things are completely better overnight. I am still mostly overwhelmed all of the time and still have moments of feeling completely cut off from the outside world, but I am coping which is all I can really do for now. As long as it gets a little bit better everyday, I tell myself that I've gotten through harder things and that I can do this.

S will argue with this, I'm sure, but he has been so instrumental in me managing new mommy-hood. Just knowing that I have a partner in this who feels very much like I do is comforting. I love him so much! If anything these last 3 weeks have made me feel closer to him than ever. We looked at each other a few nights ago and honestly agreed that "this sucks" which is a feeling that I think neither of us had imagined we would feel. In some strange way, saying that and having him agree was such a relief because I didn't feel like such a bad parent. And truthfully there are times when I look at Bean and just don't like her very much!! But the larger truth is that we love her more than anything and I think that right there is why parents are willing to go through these challenges and bring children into the world. She is a beautiful baby and at the end of the day, we are really, really lucky to have her in our lives. And I'm sure as the weeks go on, my posts will become more optimistic as I achieve victories in parenthood!

A short note...

...Dear stay-at-home moms.

I apologize for questioning whether or not you work. I had no idea.

Sincerely,

New mom going on 3 weeks.

Hello world...

I would like to introduce baby H, aka Bean.


We are now about 2 weeks into our new little adventure, and a crazy, fulfilling, emotional two weeks it's been! She arrived without any complication (to her or her mommy) and was met with so many open arms to give her hugs and kisses. I am amazed at how popular this little kiddo already is!

The hospital stay (which I opted to extend to the maximum length) was sort of a blur with visitors and nurses and doctors. Not to mention I was on some pretty heavy pain medication and received multiple infusions to tame some underlying medical problems which have a tendency to flare up postpartum. We got home a week ago Sunday and, well, to say I was overwhelmed was a little bit of an understatement! Luckily I have been blessed to have S home the last few weeks and he has stepped in and done so much so that I could have time to heal and acclimate to mommyhood. I'm feeling pretty amazing for it only being a few weeks!

Now to Bean. She is the darn cutest baby I think I have ever seen (and although I might be a little biased, I have had several others agree with me!) Minus a few feeding problems, she has a really happy disposition and has already slept several hours through a few nights. (Although S is getting up with her at night so I can get a full night's sleep, so he'd have to tell you how she really is at night. Poor guy.) As I hold her and rock her I am filled with the most overwhelming feeling of gratitude. I have heard so many mothers say the same thing--that having children changes your life. It's true and I can say I finally "get it" now. Besides my marriage, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me!