Monkey See, Monkey Do.

This picture I stole off her Aunt B.'s facebook page so adequately describes Bean right now.

We are quickly approaching that milestone in her life: her 18-month birthday. Which means that she takes that first big step into toddlerhood--going to nursery on her own. Without mom. Can you tell I'm a little wistful at this thought?

I have realized that this point in her life brings about all sorts of new challenges as a parent and as an adult. There are the not-so-fun moments: tantrums brought on by a new sense of independence, the ever curious "wow, what did you eat yesterday!" moments, and her love of pulling everything out--and not knowing how to put it all back. I have found some interesting items in our dishwasher.

There are the awesome moments: her ability to stop me from whatever I'm doing by holding up a book and saying, "Gee?" (translation not known yet,) her kisses which consist of her holding her mouth somewhere in the proximity of my cheek and then pulling back, exclaiming, "Ma!" And of course, seeing her face light up when she sees me first thing in the morning or (when I'm lucky and she's still awake) after a long day at work.

The thing that surprised me most is how much having a child has made me question who I am as a person. My mom found this quote by Helen Hunt. "Your toddler will do what they need to do, not necessarily what [you want them to do]...whatever you want them to be, you have to start becoming." Pretty great, huh? Except that now I'm really starting to see where all of my faults lie (probably excessively) and wondering how do become that person that I want to be? Bean is at a point where she mimics a lot of things that S and I do (it is so much fun!) But I worry that she might pick up on some of my not-so-great qualities.

Then again, I have heard my mom say on occasion that she wished she had done this or that differently and I don't recall her being anything but a fantastic mother. While it is still good motivation to quell some bad habits, I know in my heart that I am only human. I'd like to be perfect, but there is just no way that is ever going to happen. Hopefully Bean will love me anyway.

~

I have already read two books this month, making me feel more accomplished about a resolution I've made than I have ever felt in the past. Silly, I know. Also, I've both woken up early AND hit the treadmill for more days than not. I just found Bean's dress that I never finished and, sadly, she's already outgrown it. But I think I'm still going to finish it. Best to learn on something she'll never wear, right?!