Gratitude for my children

Have you heard the expression that sometimes your greatest trials end up being your greatest blessings?  This is how I would describe motherhood.  Being a mom has not come easily to me.  In fact, the other day I was ashamedly admitting to S how much I depend on things that I read to give me parental advice.  I know I have that parental instinct but somehow I just have a hard time tuning into it.  That said, being a mother has been the greatest joy of my life.  Just a few days ago I watched Bean's first Primary program and glowed with a sort of motherly pride that I haven't felt before.  So being a mom definitely has it's perks, too!

Bean is purely imaginative.  She is completely 100% into princesses right now and every day she is a different Disney heroine (in the picture above she is pretending to be Mulan.  Hence the topknot and black dress.)  She is learning new things every week at preschool and is so excited to be learning.  And her reading!  She can sound out simple words and spell them.  (Refrigerator ABC magnets are the best invention ever for a kid learning to read.)  

However, this little girl challenges me in a way that I thought was never possible.  "They're only 4-year olds--they can't be that hard to raise."  She is somehow a perfect combination of S's stubbornness and my independent determination and if she doesn't want to do something then she is more than happy to let you know.  I think I realized (or maybe just finally admitted to myself) that the reason we tend to clash is because we are so similar.  So then I took a step back and tried my best to remember my thought process as a 4-year old.  I started giving credibility to the things she truly finds important...even if it means we'll arrive 10 minutes late somewhere.  

So I am grateful to Bean for reminding me what it's like to be 4.  For giving me reason to pause for a moment and not always be in such a hurry.

I am finding that Boy is just like Bean was at this age...except...Boy.  His manual dexterity astounds me.  I often find him practicing his fine motor skills and think "should he already be able to do that?"  The bowls in the above picture were 'neatly' sorted and then 'neatly' put away.  He loves to read.  Rather he loves to always tote a book around with him and find me so I can read it.  And he's really started walking since my last post about him not walking!  He's still not 100% but today was definitely more walking than crawling.  He also has a smile that will light up a room.  He's a charmer and he's going to break a lot of hearts.

Boy tends to be very vocal.  You also know exactly when he doesn't agree with something you are doing.  I'm trying to remember, but I don't think Bean really ever whined or cried as much as he does.  The other day we were in a hurry to get Bean from school and he threw his sippy cup of koolaid on the floor, after which it smashed open and koolaid went everywhere.  I had it.  I picked him up and we left without a refill and the next 15 minutes of screaming in the car let me know that he was not happy.  Something in me just kind of snapped and then I started to cry.  So picture us rushing off to get Bean and both Boy and I are crying.  It was a mess.  Luckily Boy and I had composed ourselves enough so that Bean had no idea what she had just missed.  And there I am driving back home, slightly rattled, while Boy is back to his cooing, babbling self while Bean shares her goldfish with him.

I am grateful to have learned from Boy to let stuff roll off my back.  He can go from being completely pissed off about something to not having a care in the world.  And he can do this in a matter of seconds.  I on the other hand can let something that is bothering me fester for weeks.  And I am grateful for this little guy and all the screams and charm alike.